I Want to be a Girly Girl

This is something I wrote in my personal journal during a time when everything seemed to be going wrong. I just couldn't get a break. Before reading this you need to know that I have never considered myself a girly girl. In fact, I grew up being the ultimate tomboy, but when choices are taken away from you, the grass seems to look greener on the other side of the fence.

I WANT TO BE A GIRLY GIRL!!!!

I hate having to deal with all the things I consider to be "man's work."
I don't want to deal with flat tires and bent rims.
I don't want to know the difference between a rim and a hubcap.
I don't want to deal with dead lawnmower batteries.
I don't want to know that lawnmowers need gas and oil.
I don't want to know if black and red mean positive or negative on batteries.
I don't want to know how to use jumper cables.
I don't want to know I can lift an 80 lb. bale of hay.
I don't want to know about fuse boxes.
I don't want to know how to change the flapper thing on a toilet.
I don't want to know how to grill steaks.
I don't want to teach my kids how to drive a stick shift.
I don't want to know when to buy new tires or brakes for the car.
I don't want to know when to add more air to the tires on a car.
I don't want to know how to use an air compressor or a roto tiller.
I don't want to know how to check the propane tank for low fuel.
I don't want to be the one to take my son golfing every time.
I don't want to be the one to interrogate my daughter's dates.

I WANT TO BE A GIRLY GIRL!!!!

I want to smell like flowers, not gas and oil.
I want to buy groceries and have Russ come out when he hears my car because he doesn't want me to carry them in.
I want to have someone tell me I am pretty.
I want to have someone say "do you need a hug?" and let me feel small in their arms.
I want to be woken up with a gentle voice saying "honey, it is time to get up", instead of the blaring alarm reminding me I am responsible for everything for everyone in this family again today.
I want to wake up and smell coffee that I didn't have to make.
I want to have Russ come home and say "the house looks great Tam!"
I want to put on a pretty dress and cute shoes and see Russ say "WOW" with his eyes instead of me always putting on my work boots.
I want to perspire, not sweat.
I want to spend my day meeting friends for coffee and lunch or getting manicures and pedicures and knowing they will stay pretty because I don't have to trim trees, or load trash in the truck and take it to the dump, or search through the barn for manuals on how to use power tools.
I want to be fragile.
I want to be weak.
I want to be tan because I got to sit by the pool, not because I am out doing so much yard work.
I want to teach my daughter not to wear white before Easter or after Labor Day.
I want to teach my daughter to always make sure your shoes match your purse.
I want to be Scarlett O'Hara.
I WANT TO BE A GIRLY GIRL!!!!

I want to end by saying something on a positive note. I am getting more familiar with this life every day, although I don't think it will ever feel comfortable. I heard something a long time ago that I really do repeat to myself every day and that is "The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it." So true. Don't forget to water your grass today!