My name is TJ. This is my story: I was married for 20 years to the love of my life. We were happy even after all those years. We waited 5 years before having children and had a lot of fun together traveling, staying up late, sleeping in late, going out to breakfast, hanging out with friends and being spontaneous. We then completed our perfect little family by having first our beautiful daughter and then our precious son. Does it sound too good to be true? It was. I was only 41 years old, our daughter was 15 and our son was 12. My husband, their dad, was killed on our small farm in a tractor accident. That was the end of my old life. Everything about me changed except my name. This is going to be about my journey through grief, learning to live while still feeling pain, and getting the good parts of the old me back and figuring out if I've learned anything profound through this tragedy. I would love for you to walk with me on this path.
“Peace Does Not Depend on Our Circumstances, but in Our Willingness to Allow God to Use the Events of Our Lives to Create a Dependence on Him” –Henri Nouwen-
1 comment:
I too have been widowed, in fact quite recently October 2006. My wife of 26 years died of cancer after being diagnosed with it in February of 2006.
She was 52 and I am 54.
The battle was hard, but the key thing was that we were still together, fighting a courageous battle. After 8 months of treatment, prayers, and encouragement from many friends, God decided she fought a good fight and decided it was time to bring her home. She no longer has to suffer from the pains and heartaches caused by the cancer, but a new battle has begun for me and my 2 sons (ages 22 and 25 years). Trying to get use to it is hard and the more ground I think I am making, it really appears I am taking twice as many steps backwards. It is a day to day battle, trying to adjust, trying to move on, but deep down you don't want to move on, you want things back like they were before the death. Since that can't be, you force yourself to push forward. Everyone says each day gets a little better and before long, it gets to be tolerable. "Is that true? You have been widowed a bit longer than I, so does it get better?" Grief counselors say grief can last up to 2 years and in some cases longer. I think it all depends on how much love you had and lost when you lost your love one.
I have learned to handle day to day stuff and not let grief get the better of me, so in a sense it is getting better. I know my wife would not want me grieving to a point of being obessive with it and I feel quite sure your husband would not want you to get that way either.
They are our guardian angels now and we can still talk to them whenever we want and we can still feel them in our hearts each and everyday, 24/7. So the physical body is not there to touch but the love we shared is still there. My words to you are, "CHERISH THE MEMORIES, EMBRACE THE LOVE, AND LIVE YOUR LIFE AS YOU KNOW HE WOULD HAVE WANTED YOU TO." That is what I am doing and that's what I tell myself everyday, right after morning prayers and my morning talk to her.
"May God Walk With You Always."
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