Widow Colored Glasses

A person who sees the good in everything, who always sees the glass as half full rather than half empty, is referred to as someone who sees the world through rose colored glasses. They seem to respond in a positive way naturally without even thinking about it. They can't help it. It is how they were wired. That was definately the old me, bbw (before becoming a widow). Since Russ' death I feel like I have been re-born and re-wired into a person who sees the world through "widow colored glasses". Everything looks different. It has left no area untouched. Every decision I make I question if I would be making the same decision if I weren't a widow. Whenever I am with a new crowd I immediately wonder "Are there any widows here?" When I put on my socks I wonder "Is this how a widow puts on her socks?" I don't want to see beauty because I can't tell Russ about it. I don't want to laugh because he can't hear the joke. I don't want to learn because I can't share new ideas with him. I don't even want to go through the fast food drive-thru because I don't want to say 3 Cokes instead of 4.

I am wondering if this vision will eventually adjust like it does when you enter a dark room and can't see, but then your eyes slowly begin to get comfortable with the dark, you don't feel like you have to be immobilized and you feel safe enough to move around a little bit. You begin to see things you couldn't when you first entered. If this is not how it works, where do I go to get Lasik for this?

The Lord said "What do you want Me to do for you?" And he answered, "Lord, I want to regain my sight!" Luke 18:41